Not sure if I’ve mentioned it before, but I suffer from Social Phobia and Agoraphobia. My worst enemy is the Social Phobia.
Social phobia, also called social anxiety, can be extremely debilitating and is typically characterized by overwhelming anxiety and excessive self-consciousness in everyday social situations. People with social phobia have a persistent, intense, and chronic fear of being watched and judged by others and of being embarrassed or humiliated by their own actions.
In my case, it is severe enough that it interferes with my everyday, ordinary activities. I know that my fear of being around people is unreasonable, but I have not been able to overcome it. However, since I started blogging, and more specifically, since I’ve gotten to know some of you, I’ve noticed a slight increase in my ability to deal with my…problems.
For instance, I no longer lurk in your blogs. Instead, I actually leave comments, and make the effort to let you know I’m there. I’ve made some friends, too. And, the other day, I actually drove, alone, past my comfort zone (which is four miles down the highway to Exit 41). While all of this may sound a bit ridiculous, I can assure you it is truly awful for me. If I leave my comfort zone, or if I am in a situation where I have to interact with people (be it online, emails, in person, in stores, etc.), I tremble, I sweat, I have difficulty breathing, and to boot, all of this is accompanied by nausea. Making it worse, is the fact that I KNOW this is going to happen, and then I often make myself sick, worrying for days or weeks in advance of a dreaded situation.
Anyway, now that you know a bit of my background, you’ll understand better my reasons behind this award I’ve cooked up for you. Or, maybe award is not the right word. It is more of a “thank you so much” type of thing. Nevertheless, I would like to present this token to the following people for the following reasons:
Josh: Because you are thoughtful and kind, and a great friend.
Trisha: Because you’re always there with words of wisdom or encouragement.
JavaJunkee: Because you make me laugh and you make me smile.
Teeni: Your kindness astounds me. How you make time for everyone amazes me.
Birdpress: I love your style and your spunk. And you, too, are a kind soul.
Peter Parkour: Peter… what can I say? Peter because he gave me my very first link in the blogging community I’ve come to love. He included me when I was a total stranger feeling left out.
Enjoy, and feel free to pass this along if you feel like it.
I think that is a very nice award. I would have never known you had any social anxieties at all. You have always been very kind. I have an anxiety about traveling in my car. Ever since my dad got sick five years ago, he has been gone almost five years now, I have had some awful anxiety attacks. He’s the one who used to rescue me when I got stuck somewhere…so if my vehicle make the slightest funny noise, I’m not going anywhere. I have other anxieties too, but that is the biggest one. I’ve learned to deal with it the best I can, but I still can get them pretty bad…especially if something happens on the road. None of what you wrote sounds ridiculous at all to me…I understand.
Spatch… anxiety attacks bite really big time. I get them all the time, if I know I’m going somewhere. For me, every day is a battle, so I totally understand your fears because mine are the same when it comes to agoraphobia. We shall overcome!
At least that’s my plan.
Awww, Peter; there you go again making me feel all mushy. You are the sweety, not me. I have a rep for being mean and I work hard to keep it!
Aww, thank you! Such a pretty award. I love it!
I also have social anxiety, although not quite to the extent that you described it. It was part of the reason I used to drink, and it always makes everything more difficult, which seems so unfair. I’ve gotten good at coping with things, but it isn’t something that just goes away. I’m glad you are dealing better with it lately too.
I’m glad you like it, Birdpress. And social anxiety is social anxiety regardless of degrees. It sucks! But, yes, with a little help from my friends, I’ve found a way to work through it, if only a little bit.
Allison, I applaud you for the courage it took to write about such a sensitive topic. What a brave soul you truly are! I’m glad that blogging has helped. My prayer for you is peace and courage in your heart to live a happy and full life. You’re getting there, step by step, every day!
Hugs and hugs to you, my new and lovely friend!
Thank you so much, Sue. Your friendship means the world to me. It really does. I feel like a little kid discovering there are other kids on the block to play with. And yes, I fully intend to work my way out of this rotten hole I’ve been living in.
Allison, THANK YOU! YOU bring sunshine into so many lives, mine especially!
I dealt with a bout of agoraphobia many years ago which has many similar characteristics. I was afraid to leave the house and dreaded even going to the supermarket. It was never truly debilitating as yours seems to be. I think mine was more a form of depression.
You broke my heart with this post. I wish I lived near you! We could sit and bitch and moan and LAUGH over tea or coffee (or the occasional red wine!) You wouldn’t get anxious being with me ’cause Grrrl, we hang!!
Again, dear heart, thank you SO much for the award. You made my whole week!!!
Trisha, as usual, you are there giving me that feeling that I too can belong. That what I have can be overcome, and that people just might understand if only a tiny bit, if I dare to open up and share. To me, you are priceless, and we definitely would get together for bitch and moan sessions. Totally!
ahh Allison!!! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so glad you felt comfortable enough to delurk on my blog. I have had fun getting to know you …I think you are a blast. I know where you are coming from with the whole anxiety thing. We’ve chatted before about it..so know there are folks around here that totally “get it”!
now I’m gonna go post this
..thanks again!!!
You are most welcome, JJ. I figured you’ve made me laugh so much… I needed to give you something back. I think deep down, somewhere, we are kindred spirits. Don’t know why I feel that, but I do.
This is so awesome! I was surprised to hear about some of your phobias because you’ve always seemed so much more adventurous than me (especially with getting on a stage to play drums), but I guess we all have our issues that we secretly battle. I’m so glad if you think your online buddies have helped in any way. There really are a lot of fringe benefits to blogging.
Anyway, thank you so much for the award – I love that you made it yourself and it was just when I’ve been feeling that I’m not able to visit everyone as much as I want. It’s so nice that you took the time to notice that I do try very hard though. 
I’m so glad we happened upon each other, my friend.
Teeni, my friend… if you only knew how much I battled with myself before going on that stage. But you see, my drums are a safety net… a buffer zone for me. I feel totally comfortable and at home behind them. It is the only thing in my life I know I do well, so once I got lost in playing… in the music… everything else just sort of melted away. It wasn’t until we stopped and people started clapping and crap that I went, “Holy shit! There must be at least 150 people out there!” and then I started getting sick to my stomach.
But I am SO proud of me for actually seeing it through. I want to do it again, just to prove that I can.
Allison!
That is sweet! I’ve thanked you 10 times already, so here it is, I will thank you again: THANK YOU!
You are a sweet person, and an awesome friend. I am blessed to have such a friend.
I’d love to hear more about the anxiety issues, like the age you began experiencing the problem and anything else. Some of it I really identify with. My girlfriend’s parents were killed in a car crash several years ago and I had to fight through fear of the car, but it’s never completely gone, moreso fear for those in my family even than for myself. Other stuff, too, but that’s the most noticeable. The last time I asked the doctor for Valium so I could survive a long trip, the doctor asked my daughter, “So does your mom get scared in the car?” She said, “No, not at all!” OMG – I couldn’t believe it. I looked liked a total drug addict.
Please consider this as your engraved invitation to the awards ceremony at my site.
Hi, I think this might be my first visit. Teeni sent me over by passing along your beautiful sunshine award and I wanted to come here and thank the originator. A friend of Teeni’s is a friend of mine! I wish you much success with overcoming your phobia and tons of joy in blogging! Blogging is inexpensive therapy for me. I love it. I’m not as bloggy as I used to be but I do enjoy reading and discovering and making connections.
Hi, and welcome! It’s always nice to meet someone new, and I totally agree with you that blogging is very inexpensive therapy.
Wow Allison! You and I are quite alike. You put me in a room with people I know, I’m okay. You put me in a room with ONE person I don’t know, I panic. When you described driving by yourself and out of your comfort zone…that hit a cord with me! I can’t go out of my town without major anxiety attacks. I can’t be left alone in a store, I panic. I can’t walk into a restaurant or someones house first, I have to be behind someone. I can’t have my back to a group of people. It does affect my life, everyday. This is why I choose to nanny in my own home. I WILL be a regular here at your blog, because I want to get to know you better and like you this is all out of my comfort zone too and blogging has helped tremendously!
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