I’m back, and ready to roll

I know I’ve been gone an awfully long time, and I have no excuse other than the “I’m feeling really lazy” one.  Anyway, I intend to catch everyone up shortly — even though it probably won’t be very interesting at all.

I’m glad to be back.  And I’ll be visiting everyone soon enough.

Read Full Post »

What the heck is a troll?

Not often, but every once in a while I run across a true jerk wad, and when I do, I’m always astounded. Sometimes even left speechless (which is weird for me since I always have something to say — snarky or not).

Anyway, so there’s this person’s blog I’ve been frequenting lately, because I thought what he/she (I dunno) posted was sort of funny and I can always use a laugh. I’m going to leave this blog nameless for now because I refuse to give it even 5 seconds of PR.

OK, so I lurked. But in my defense, I always do that before I can screw up the nerve to actually post. So day before yesterday (that would be Sunday), I posted at this person’s blog. I went back to check a couple of times to see if this person had responded to my post. I like that… the responding part. It makes me feel as if I’ve connected, ya know?

Well, no responses, so last night I thought, “Maybe this person doesn’t respond to people he/she doesn’t know,” so oh well. No biggie. This morning I checked my emails right after breakfast like I normally do, and lo and behold, there’s an email in there from he/she. Wow. A personal response? I dove into the email, and this is how it read (I kid you not, this is a cut and paste):

“I’m going to ask you nicely just this once to cease and desist from being a troll at my place. I never asked you to come poking around, I never asked you to open your trap and bore me with your inane blatherings, and furthermore, for my sake and the sake of my readers, you can take your crazy ass somewhere else, preferably completely out of the blogosphere.

“Leave. Me. The. Hell. Alone, Troll.”

WTF? WTH did I do? All I said was, “I totally agree with you on this issue, and I think you managed quite nicely.”

Is that being a troll? Was that offensive? Did I commit a social faux pas? Do I even know what a ‘troll’ is?

I should probably let this whole thing go. I mean, there are tons of crazies out there, right? But I can’t. I’m trying to formulate my thoughts into some semblance of logical order before I go back there and give the scuzzball a piece of my friggin’ mind. Am I wrong? I just can’t sit by and let that asswipe get the last word. I just can’t.

Read Full Post »

A Token For You

Not sure if I’ve mentioned it before, but I suffer from Social Phobia and Agoraphobia.  My worst enemy is the Social Phobia.

Social phobia, also called social anxiety, can be extremely debilitating and is typically characterized by overwhelming anxiety and excessive self-consciousness in everyday social situations. People with social phobia have a persistent, intense, and chronic fear of being watched and judged by others and of being embarrassed or humiliated by their own actions.

In my case, it is severe enough that it interferes with my everyday, ordinary activities.  I know that my fear of being around people is unreasonable, but I have not been able to overcome it.  However, since I started blogging, and more specifically, since I’ve gotten to know some of you, I’ve noticed a slight increase in my ability to deal with my…problems.

For instance, I no longer lurk in your blogs.  Instead, I actually leave comments, and make the effort to let you know I’m there.  I’ve made some friends, too.  And, the other day, I actually drove, alone, past my comfort zone (which is four miles down the highway to Exit 41).  While all of this may sound a bit ridiculous, I can assure you it is truly awful for me.  If I leave my comfort zone, or if I am in a situation where I have to interact with people (be it online, emails, in person, in stores, etc.), I tremble, I sweat, I have difficulty breathing, and to boot, all of this is accompanied by nausea.  Making it worse, is the fact that I KNOW this is going to happen, and then I often make myself sick, worrying for days or weeks in advance of a dreaded situation.

Anyway, now that you know a bit of my background, you’ll understand better my reasons behind this award I’ve cooked up for you.  Or, maybe award is not the right word.  It is more of a “thank you so much” type of thing.  Nevertheless, I would like to present this token to the following people for the following reasons:

Josh:  Because you are thoughtful and kind, and a great friend.

Trisha:  Because you’re always there with words of wisdom or encouragement.

JavaJunkee:  Because you make me laugh and you make me smile. 

Teeni:  Your kindness astounds me.  How you make time for everyone amazes me.

Birdpress:  I love your style and your spunk.  And you, too, are a kind soul.

Peter Parkour:  Peter… what can I say?  Peter because he gave me my very first link in the blogging community I’ve come to love.  He included me when I was a total stranger feeling left out.

Enjoy, and feel free to pass this along if you feel like it.

Read Full Post »

Happy New Year!

I want to wish everyone the very best there is to offer.  This blog is my feeble attempt at stepping outside my box and reaching out to make friends.  Something that in real life is almost impossible for me since I have social anxiety disorder and Agoraphobia.  The real life friends I used to have are virtually non-existent now thanks to my stupid and unsound fears.  This blog has enabled me to reach out and touch lives while remaining relatively sane about the whole thing. 

This coming year, I plan to make a real attempt at reaching out.  Both in my blogging and in my day to day activities.  So, I thank you, my soon to be fast-friends, for allowing me into your daily lives, even if only through your blogging.

Here’s to 2009!

Read Full Post »

Quick Update

Since I seem to have writer’s block, I thought I’d take the easy way out today and update the “About Me” page. I wanted to give everyone 50 things about myself but I’m having trouble with that as well. It’s hard talking about oneself! So, the list is up in the about me section, but it’s incomplete. I’ll add to it as I think of more useless info to impart.

Will somebody please give me something to blog about?! Help!

Read Full Post »

A bet is a bet

Me and my big mouth did it again.  As part of a bet, I now have to blog every single day for 30 consecutive days.  I never have anything to blog about on a daily basis, so this is going to be difficult for me.  Not that anyone reads this blog except for my friends, but I have a feeling there’s going to be tons of garbage on here for the next few weeks.  This bet starts at midnight, so… until then… sign me

Stupid

Read Full Post »

Blogs vs. Blogs

Beats the hell out of me as to why I do it, but I’m constantly trying out new blogs and blog communities.  Maybe I just like tinkering with setting up sites, I don’t know.  I should really stop it because after all the blogs and communities I’ve tried, including my own domains, nothing beats WordPress (IMHO).

Anyway, I digress.  I wanted to write about the last experience  trauma I had while experimenting.  I happened upon The Experience Project… another blogging community which turned out to be very much like MySpace which I avoid like the plague. 

There’s a section over at Experience Project entitled “My Confession” or something like that.  The idea is that one can post one’s inner most secret(s) on there and the public comments.  Well, me and my stupid ideas promptly decided to “confess” something I have never voiced out loud and probably never will again.  The reception I got over my post was overwhelmingly and alarmingly brutal and cruel.  I’m chucking it up to not explaining myself correctly because the things I was called via those comments, I assure you I am NOT.

Suffice it to say, that I will never venture that way again, and least of all will I be posting my innermost secrets again — anywhere.  Some people can take brutal feedback and just let it roll off their backs; but not me.  I discovered I’m made of much softer stuff than I like to admit and it shamed me.  I’m a weak, spineless wuzzy.  I should have stood up for myself.  I should have told everybody to kiss my ass, to bite me, to go drown themselves in the nearest cesspool, etc.  But I didn’t.  Instead I chose to tuck my tail between my legs and high tail it out of The Experience Project.

A most shameful behavior on my part.  I’m ashamed.

Read Full Post »

Stingy Blogging

Blogging can’t possibly be my forte.  For one thing, I have trouble sharing.  Have always had trouble sharing even as a child.  I mean, what’s mine is mine, dammit, and that includes my thoughts.  So I water things down when I’m blogging and that can’t be a good thing.  Can it?  I know no one is likely to come by and be so rivited by my dribble that they’ll stay to read the whole damned thing — but you never know — and that’s the niggling thought at the back of my head that keeps me from opening up.  I’m supposed to be doing this for theraputic reasons, but I’m finding it harder and harder to actually commit to that one lousy promise I made. 

So my shrink says “give it a good 30 days before you throw in the towel….” and I’m thinking, “sure!  Easy for you to say you non-public-blogging-freako!”  A promise is a promise, though, so I’ll keep it up.  But only for the freakin’ 30 promised days, and that’s it.  I mean it.  Not one more day past 30 will I do this to myself.  I honestly don’t see how people pour their hearts out to the world without giving it a second thought.  I’ve always thought of myself as a private person, but I hadn’t really realized the full extent of that contention.  It’s like…like…living in a fishbowl.  Like having a front and center cage at the zoo and all these strangers are gawking at you.  I can’t do that!

 “But nobody will read your blog because you’re so new at this,” shrink continues.  Yeah, well, maybe.  But I’m still opting for selective stingy blogging.

Read Full Post »