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Archive for December, 2008

A Texan Christmas

This is Texas, so naturally, the gifts we get for Christmas are just a tiny bit different than what the rest of the world gets.  For instance, my husband got himself an AK47.  A real one.  Why?  Because Obama may try to ban them again.  Yeah, you say he should?  Why?  For Christ’s sake, my husband has rifles in his gun safe that are more powerful than that stupid ratty gun.  My opinion is this:  any gun/rifle I can actually lift to my shoulder, is not worth worrying about. 

Anyway, I was truly glad he got his AK47, he was so happy about the damned thing.  I love weapons anyway.  If you know me, then you know I’m heavily into martial arts, and therefore, weapons.  Of course, the weapons I use are somewhat different.  Mostly they come in long poles, knives, and throwing stars and weird shaped knife-looking things that are, in the proper hands, quite dangerous.  I’d like to think of myself as dangerous.  It has a nice ring to it.

So this Christmas, you can just imagine how excited I was to find under the tree, my very own, brand spanking new, shiny (well not really) Glock.  That’s right.  I am now the proud owner of a 40 m Glock.  Here it is:

glock1

 

Now, I’ve never in my life shot a gun of any type, so I’m a little stupid when it comes to them.  I took the thing from the case and immediately was met with shouts from the entire room, “Whoa!  Don’t aim that at me!”  “Point at the ground, dummy!”  “Hey!  Watch where you’re aiming!”  and “Somebody please take that away from her!”

After I was shown how to properly handle a gun that had no clip yet, and shown how to cock it, etc… everyone around me calmed down by several degrees.  My husband took me out back (we own several acres), and without bullets, proceeded to give me lessons.  How to hold it, how to sight, and then I was to try cocking it.  And that’s as far as we got because… well… because to my horror and utter embarrassment, I just couldn’t do it! 

I clearly pictured in my mind being attacked by some gun wielding frenzied killer and me going:

“Hmph.  yiaaagh.  Hmmmph!”

“Look; I’m sorry about this, but I can’t seem to find the strength to cock this damned thing.  Would you mind coming back to get me after I’ve built up my arm strength?  Or better yet, go try to rob and kill somebody with skills closer to your own, will ya?”

 

 

 

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Note:  To be read to the childish sing-song voice and tune.

I know what I’m getting for Christmas!  I know what I’m getting for Chriiiiisssstmaaaas, neener neener, neeeeener! 

There.  I feel so much better!

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Merry Christmas, Everyone!

I just wanted to write a quick note to everyone to let them know I haven’t dropped off the face of the earth.  I’m very much here and alive; but swamped with family from out of town.

Please forgive me if I don’t post very often between now and Christmas; this family just sucks up all my time!   To those of you who write me emails instead of posting (you know who you are…grrrrr!)  I’ll answer you soon as I can.  Better yet, quit lurking, dammit!  You should leave a comment here for me to answer, otherwise what’s the point in me writing here?  I’m really angry with you guys (you know who you are, Angela and Becky one who lives in Allen and the other who lives in McKinney).

Love you all,

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

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r

 

Dear Trish over at Talkin Trash with Trisha was sweet enough to tag me for this meme (I really really wanted to do it).

If you want to play, here are the rules:

You leave a comment on this post and I’ll assign you a letter.  You write about ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place.  When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues.

You don’t have to do the meme if you only want to comment. If you want to play, tell me; otherwise you will not be tagged.

I was assigned the letter “R”; here’s my attempt:

 
#1  Rhododendrons: 

rhodosThere’s much to be said for a plant that is impervious to my less than adequate ministrations.  I can skip weeks of not watering them, and even though they may droop, turn a bit yellow and some of the leaves fall off… a quick splash of water brings them right back.  They are the only plants that have the audacity to survive around me.

 

 
#2  Rain: 

Nature’s lullaby.  Who cannot fall asleep with rain gently beating against their window panes?  Not me.  Actually, the sound of water dripping, any water, even that of a leaky faucet, will put me to sleep.  I love water, and rain is right up there on my water list.

 
#3  Ricky Martin: 

ricky-martinNeed I say more?  A picture is worth a thousand words in this case.

 

 

 

 
#4  Rockefeller Center: 

rockefellerEspecially at Christmas time, is the place to be.  I loved ice skating there as a child, and many years later when I tried it again as an adult, I still got that same mushy feeling inside, skating by that wonderful giant Christmas tree over and over again until my husband had to come out on the rink to yank me away.

 

 

#5  Raspberry Jam: 

raspberryjamOn warm English muffins or on scones.  But the highlight of raspberry jam is actually making it.  At my house, it was always a family affair, where the grandparents (who raised us) and all the kids joined in to make the gooey stuff and have raspberry jam fights in the process.  The grandparents never minded the mess we made.  Sometimes, they joined in.

#6  Rush Hour: 

rushhourCall me crazy, but I actually enjoy rush hour, stuck in a car.  I love singing, but not in front of people, so when I’m stuck in traffic, the radio goes up — loud — and I sing my fool head off.  I also enjoy people around me looking directly at me and laughing.

#7  Rome: 

romeIt is my favorite European city.  The architecture, the charm, the people, the food!  Did you know the word Lasagna actually translates into “cooking pot”?

#8  Roller Coasters: 

rollercoasterWheee!  It is the only ride I can actually get a thrill out of.  Nothing else does it for me.  Every other ride, people around me scream their heads off, vomit and the like, and I remain cool as a cucumber, totally unaffected.  On a roller coaster, my heart pounds, my blood pressure rises, adrenaline rushes.  My all time favorite ride is still Space Mountain at Disney Word.

#9  Roses: 

whiteroseThe simplicity of a rose, especially when it is a single white rose, is awesome.  I love the texture, the color, the smell.  I love the fact that you can wear them, eat them, display them, dry them, and… a rose by any other name….

#10  Retirement: 

retirementIt is my life long dream.  I dream of retiring to Barbados, to live in a rented Villa overlooking the ocean.  The villa will have a full daytime staff which I will never see, but they will always be there to prepare and serve my meals and clean up all my messes.  Retirement means I will spend lazy days out by the pool with one of those umbrella drinks in my hand, baking under the sun.

 

And now, it is your turn!

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Since I seem to have writer’s block, I thought I’d take the easy way out today and update the “About Me” page. I wanted to give everyone 50 things about myself but I’m having trouble with that as well. It’s hard talking about oneself! So, the list is up in the about me section, but it’s incomplete. I’ll add to it as I think of more useless info to impart.

Will somebody please give me something to blog about?! Help!

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The DQ and I went shopping last Saturday and more specifically, for a digital camera Target had on sale for $79.00. Our first stop was Wal-Mart, and we thought we’d check out their cameras in order to compare.

The same camera Target was advertising for $79, Wal-Mart had for $179.00. I grabbed one of the sales clerks and told her I had an ad at home for the same camera $100 cheaper. She said if I would bring the ad in, that the store would match Target’s price. Great! No biggie… I could run back home, get the ad and have myself a brand new fantastic 10 mega pixels camera for a song.

Anyway, on our way out of town, the DQ talked me into going to Target just to check on their camera because it would save us a trip back home, and naturally, I agreed because quite frankly, I’m not the shopping kind. I’m more the sneak in, grab it, kill it, bag it, and be on my merry way type.

So we stopped at Target and before going into the store I checked their posted ads — in case there was something else I might want. And right there, in big, black, bold letters was THE NOTICE: Misprint…. the lovely $79.00 camera was actually $179.00. Bummer! I was crestfallen. Bummed out. Disappointed, and completely distraught. I SO wanted that camera! It was so cute. A light lavender in color, fit in the palm of my hand, a Canon (no less), and well, I just wanted it. I did the unthinkable for a good Catholic like myself. I decided to get that darned camera for the advertised price. I knew what I was planning was wrong. Morally and ethically; but I assuaged my conscience by telling myself that had I not stopped at Target…I would never have known about the price misprint, and all would have been fine in my little old brain. So I did it.

I drove home, got the Target ad and drove back to Wal-Mart to present the damned thing to the sales clerk. “You’re lucky,” she said. “It’s the very last one in stock!” Oh, goodie! Gimme gimme gimme! The whole time my heart was thudding so loud I thought the whole store could hear it. What if the clerk called Target to check? What if they found me out and called Security to haul me off to jail for attempted robbery?

But lo and behold, the clerk came back with the pretty little box and handed it to me. I gave her the ad and $79 plus dollars. And my conscience has been stinging ever since. I’ll probably go to hell and before that, when I go to confession on Saturday, our Parish Priest will more than likely have me saying so many Hail Mary’s that I’ll have to stay in church through New Year’s and completely miss out on Christmas. And it would serve me right, too.

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You know, every year I make 10 resolutions; none of which I manage to keep for longer than a week.  So, what’s the point?  All I’m doing is setting myself up for failure.  Anyway, so this year I’ve decided to make only 2 resolutions, ones I really need to make, and ones I’m hopeful of success. 

I hereby resolve to:

  1. Clean up my language.  I don’t exactly remember when or how it got so out of hand, but I really do have a foul mouth which is way uncool.  I resolve to use alternative words for my four letter oopsies.
  2. Get a better attitude.  Become a nicer person.  People think I’m sweet, kind, considerate, affectionate, and loving, when in reality, I’m hard as nails and have one great big fucking nasty attitude.  A chip on my shoulder.  I let people get to me all too often and then I hate myself for it.  I know, doesn’t make much sense.  But it has made me develop the attitude that says:  Get away from me you dumbass fucker moron!  You bother me!  So I’m going to strive to be nice even if it kills me.

Happy New Year!

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