Dealing Drugs

How many medicines must you have in your medicine cabinet(s) before you can call yourself a pharmacy?  Because between my diabetes, gout, anxiety attacks, panic attacks, numerous allergies, and asthma… I think I more than qualify to dispense drugs.  I wonder if a license is required?  Probably not; because I’ve seen plenty of folks selling the stuff over on Harry Hines, our seedy red light district of town.  I’m sure they don’t have licenses.  And probably, those pills have been handled with dirty stinky hands [they’ve] used for other despicable sexual acts, or picking their noses.  Or scratching places they shouldn’t scratch in public.

So, technically speaking, I would be a safer, cleaner, greener, drug store.

Drugs, anyone?

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The Sunday Seven #168

OK, Patrick… this is sort of lame, but I’ll play.

Name the seven chores you most need to do in your home.

1. Clean out the fireplace
2. Clean the upstairs bathroom
3. Finish the laundry
4. Pack up my scrapbooking room
5. Clean behind the refrigerator (ugh!)
6. Clean out the closets (all 14 of them)
7. Clean out the refrigerator

And there ya go.  There’s really not much to do because the maid (ha ha) comes once a week.  But she’s a bit absent minded and if I don’t watch her, she’ll forget to do a room or two.  Or maybe she’s not forgetting.  Hmm.

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Boring Sims 2

The time has come to admit to myself that The Sims 2 no longer holds my interest.  After 6 or so years of playing the game, I think I have played out just about every scenario possible and I don’t want to play any more.  Of course, there’s always TS3 (The Sims 3) coming out in February of 2009, but of course there will be no cheats or cool custom content for the first few months; and what fun is that — playing without the benefit of enhancements?

Maxis may think they made the game completely customizable, but the fact is, no, they did not.  Shame on you, Maxis!  We pay enough for these games — we should have whatever our little ole hearts desire in the matter.

In the interim, I guess I’ll have to keep playing Pogo, and occasionally experiment with the Sims I have.  I was thinking the other day that I’ve turned into a quasi Sims Behaviorist.  Yup.  I can probably tell you how Sims will react to given situations, depending on the type of Sim, almost every time without erring.

And that, is just to damned pathetic.

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Cool Meme

Maybe I’m going a bit overboard with Meme’s, but I found this one over at Queen Bitch’s place, and I couldn’t resist.  So…

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

Michelle Obama.  The woman totally irks me, so that was a no-brainer.

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Who will it be?

Britney Spears.  Can’t stand her music, can’t stand her, can’t stand the way she behaves.

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

What’s her face… Nancy Pelosi.  Ick!

4. What is your favorite cheese?

Swiss.  It’s holey.  ha ha

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind of sandwich will you eat?

Lobster, caviar, jalopenos, tomatoes, butter, with salt and pepper on a sesame seed bun.

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?

Definitely Nicolas Cage.  Not that he’s super good looking, but there’s something about him….

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music celebrity of your choice, who will it be?

Uhm…. music huh?   Well… uhm, geez, I don’t know.  There’s not a single person I can think of at the moment.  I’m not really into celebrities, ya know?

8. Now that you’ve slept with two people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. What do you buy?

A new hair cut.  Something quirky and fun, and totally out of character for me.
9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

New Zealand!

10. An angel appears out of heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the beverage of your choice. It is?

Coke.

11. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anywhere in the PAST. Where do you go?

The Middle Ages because I’d totally love to snag me a dark knight.

12. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

No back-stabbing under penalty of death.

13. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it?

Do a Good Deed Chain Event.  First person who fails to do a really good deed within 20 minutes gets sent to Detroit.

14. What is your favorite curse word?

Fuck.

15. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, what do you do?

After screaming my head off… I’d probably say, “Hello?  I’m trying to sleep here.  Shoo!”

16. Your house is on fire! What do you do?

Grab my doggies and run.  Then I’d call emergency.  Then I’d be mad as hell for losing all my treasured books in the fire.
17. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?

Plead for mercy to gain an extra hour.  Then I’d probably try to negotiate my next destination and accommodations once I got there.

18. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and whats even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What super-power is it?

Definitely telepathy.  Although telekinesis would be awesome, too.

19. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

I would go back to when I was dating Paul, and give him a resounding NO!

20. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

When my Grandmother became ill and passed away.

21. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check this out you can move anywhere. Where are you going?

Barbados

22. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age, if you were banned from every bar in the world except one, which one would it be?

I don’t do bars, but it would probably have to be Joe’s down in Key West.

23. Hopefully you didn’t mention this in the super-powers question… If you did, then we’ll just expound on that. Check it out… Suddenly, you have gained the ability to fly! Whose house are you going to fly to first, and be like “Check it out I can FLY!?”

Becky’s house.  Nobody else would care, more than likely.

24. The constant absorption of magical moon beams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?

Katherine Hepburn.  Love that woman!  She’s my hero and role model.

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The Saturday Six — My First Meme!

Call me dumb, but I just discovered meme’s.  That’s right.  Just now, about 5 minutes ago, and I’m no newbie to the Internet or blogging.  Jeez.

Anyway, I found Patrick’s The Saturday Six, and thought I’d give it a shot.  What can it hurt?

1. Between breakfast, lunch or dinner, which meal are you most likely to skip on a typical day?

Probably lunch.  Sometimes I eat breakfast and sometimes I don’t.  Sometimes I skip dinner.  I’m not much into food and consider food the enemy.  But on a regular basis, it has to be lunch.

2. Do you prefer a hot breakfast, like oatmeal, or a cold breakfast, like cereal?

Definitely hot.  Milk gives me the creeps, and oatmeal makes me gag.  So hot, yes, but something closer to a breakfast Jack, or a McMuffin or something pancaky from IHOP.

3. When you’re in the mood for a big breakfast, what do you typically crave?

Pancakes, waffles, stuffed french toast, eggs, hash browns, bacon.  Yum!  When I treat myself to IHOP (usually every Christmas morning), that’s what I have.  ALL of the above.  It’s the one day of the year I allow myself to pig out.

4. Take the quiz: What kind of muffin are you?

Definitely an English muffin. 

5. What are you more likely to cook for yourself for breakfast if you’re alone: a stack of pancakes, a waffle, or grits?

Me, cook?  Are you nuts?  I don’t do cooking.  That’s right up there with housework, which everyone knows makes you ugly.

6. What’s your favorite beverage to drink with your breakfast?

Ice cold tomato juice.  With salt and lemon squeezed in and stirred, not shaken.  A nice tall glass of the stuff always hits the spot.

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Old Lang Syne… sort of

There’s like a chance in hell these people will run across this blog, so what the hell.  This is what I thought think of the people I hung out with in high school.  The girls are probably all going under married/divorced names now, and the guys… well who cares about these guys.  For the most part they were real jerks.

Kathy Lane:  Blah blah blah boring, but you thought you were hot shit.  She probably married the guy who took her to the debutant ball, wears leopard print pants, blouses cut to there, wears jewel-studded glasses, and drinks martinis for breakfast.  She has a personal trainer who works with her to maintain her boob job, has 1.5 kids, all in private school and wearing braces.

Rachel Shapiro:  sweet kid, but too much of a follower.  If Kathy Lane told her to wear a pink and green striped skirt with a royal blue blouse…she’d do it.  Today, Rachel is probably hanging on the phone, waiting for Kathy to tell her what next to do.  Tsk, tsk.

Kathy Whipple:  Something wicked this way comes.  Kathy and I were probably  best friends and we got into so much trouble together…fun!  She was always up for whatever I came up with, and I likewise.  One time, we went on a double date, a picnic.  I got the bright idea to fix sandwiches for the guys made of Alpo.  We used two cans, made sure the sandwiches were nice and hefty, and then fed them to the guys.  The fuckwads ate the damned things and didn’t even blink an eye; in fact, they said it was “yummy”.  Spoiled all our fun.  And who the hell says “yummy”, anyway?  We dumped them after that date.

Diane Saul:  User!  Slut!  Evil!  She took the part of the Wicked Witch of the West in our high school senior play, and played it well; because that’s who she really was.  I imagine today she’s still trying to figure out new broom flying patterns.

Joni Letterman:  Stuck up, full of shit, and not a live brain cell in her head.   But she probably grew up to be the captain of her cheerleading team in college.  I’m sure afterward she had tons of offers from either porn producers or manufacturers looking for spokespersons.  Rah, Rah, Rah, Joni!

Evan Gazar:  Nice kid, but I’m still not sure about him.  He broke my heart, the dumb jerk.

Roger Chubin:  I think I had a crush on him throughout my entire high school career.  Did he know I existed?  Only when it came time to do those stupid barn dances square dances they made you do in gym class.

Michael Keizer:  A dictator in the making, even back then.  He got progressively worse as the years went by, and I don’t like to think about where he is now.  He may come after me.

Peter Bailey:  OMG.  What a hunk!  He was over 6 feet, platinum blonde hair, the lightest blue eyes I’ve ever seen — rivaling a clear summer sky, and as nice as can be.  Peter never had an unkind word for anyone about anybody.  He’s probably a priest now.

Doreen Jambo:  We were inseparable all during grade school and junior high.  We moved and were separated and didn’t hook up again until high school when her family moved to Florida.  Lo and behold, there was Doreen in my school!  I was so happy.  But the bitch acted as if she didn’t know me, and couldn’t be bothered to give me the time of day.  ME!  Her best friend ever!  And I hung with the in crowd, too.  Oh, well.  You win some, you lose some.

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Seems Funny To Me

I don’t know why, but today everything seems funny.  Funny ha ha, not funny weird.

I think I may be bipolar.

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Revelation #43

Pogo makes up a great deal of my day.  In fact, I’m obsessed with Pogo and some of their silly games, like Monopoly.  I hardly ever play with real people if I can help it, opting instead to play with their robots.  I always clobber them, and even though I know they’re stupid computers, I always feel badly for them.  Because I’m kinda stupid that way.  Would they feel sorry for me if they were winning?  Hell no!

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Agoraphobia?

That’s what my doctor says I have, only I tend to disagree with him.  I looked it up and it means:  fear of open spaces.  I don’t have that crap.  I love open spaces.  In fact, the more open, the happier I am.  What I fear is people.  People scare me.  I think I like people, but I don’t like being around them much.  So, I’ve become the proverbial hermit.  Again, I’m not afraid of leaving the house — I do it all the time; but I do get nervous if I go past Exit 41 about 4 miles down the highway from my house.

I have no idea when or how I got this way.  I just don’t want to leave home.  I’d rather spend all my time puttering around the house or backyard.  I’d rather not have company and I’ve been known to hide a time or two when the doorbell has rung.  Also, I don’t like talking on the phone.  In fact, the phone irks me, and please don’t ask me to check emails.  I think I’m allergic to emails, too.

Bottom line, I think I have most beat by a mile when it comes to being damned quirky weird.  Even my own family refers to me as downright strange.  I tend to disagree with them as well.  I think I’m a lovely person.  A friendly, easy-going, loving, caring, giving, honest human being who just happens to have an extreme aversion to the world in general.  Let’s put it this way:  if I were the last person on earth, I don’t think I would mind it as long as I had a working computer.  If I were to be sentenced to a lifetime of house arrest… I would thank the judge and jury.

Is that sick?  You tell me.

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It’s all Socialism to me

In my opinion, there isn’t a Democratic party any more.  What it has turned into is a Socialist party and whoever disagrees with me is a total fool.  To those people, I say:  get your damn heads out of your asses and realize what Obama (weird foreign name) truly stands for.

Believe you me, I’ve lived through Socialism and then Communism, and the way to Communism is ALWAYS Socialism.  It scares me to death that this country is headed down that path; especially since my family fought so hard to get to this country to escape Communism.

People think socialized medicine and all that propaganda crap shit is oh so wonderful.  I say to you dumb fucks… look at it in action over in England, Canada, Finland, Sweden, France…. all those have failed miserably.  People in Canada can’t even get a heart operation when they truly need it because there aren’t enough doctors to go around so they end up waiting, sometimes forever to no avail.  And this is the shit you people want for us?

Holy shit… where the hell am I supposed to move to when we turn Communist?  Switzerland, probably.

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